Happy?

I have been thinking a lot lately about happiness. When I think about all the blessings in my life, I feel as if I should be over the moon happy. Honestly, at this point in my life I wouldn't describe myself as happy. Most days I have a hard time enjoying things that I should. I have a hard time not comparing myself to others..from friends to bloggers to instagram (grammers?). I won't admit this to others because I know it makes me sound ungrateful and horrible. How could I not be happy? I have the sweetest husband, two wonderful jobs, a house to come home to, and very few money problems, if any. But still....most days I feel a void. I feel like I am waiting for everything to start. Maybe I am waiting for life to always be joyful. Maybe I am waiting for my movie worthy story. No matter what I have been waiting for...I can't wait any longer. I need to take action in my life to be happy. Happiness is an action. It's a constant journey...it's a doing word. It's not going to be easy to break my sulk wo is me habits. Just thinking about my own little happiness journey makes me feel overwhelmed. My first instinct is to run away to a cave and just sit there until I'm happy. Dark caves aren't much for company though. So I need a plan. Every day I am going to do my best to record here what I found happy in my day. I am going to record what I choose to take out of my life to increase my happiness. Personally, I think that this is going to be a challenge, but I can't think of any reason it wouldn't be. If it were easy I would have already done it.

I want to remember why I am going on a happiness journey. I am going on this journey for my sweet husband. I am tired of being short with him or asking for confirmation that he loves me. I want to feel like "us" again. I am doing this for my future littles. They deserve a momma who can show them how to be happy. I want to generally enjoy every second and moment I am with them. I can't be the best momma to them if I don't find happiness for myself now. I am doing this for my sweet mother who listens to me complain everyday. But mostly I am doing this for me. I have been given one precious life to live. One chance to be the best Amanda I can be. I want to change the life's of others...I want to be a role model...I want to be the best wife and mother...but first I have to start with being the best me.